(mick quinn) Relationship with Me
FEATURED ARTICLE: EXCERPTED FROM POWER AND GRACE
the relationship with me:
Because there is no separate me-sense in an animal,a dog will regularly bark at his own reflection in a mirror. He does this because hedoes not see “himself,” he sees another dog.
Imagine looking in a mirror and asking, "Who's that?" At the psychotherapeutic level, the idea of accepting and loving yourself is considered to be beneficial. If awakening is your objective, you must learn to relinquish the need to support and nurture the relationship with me. The notion of a separate self—an individual me-sense —is erroneous; yet, this is a natural development that occurs in everyone between the ages of four and seven years of age. To be gentle with oneself, however, does not necessarily imply the validity of this duality.Since the relationship with “me” is where you consciously and unconsciously communicate with conditioned limitations, discovering and expressing your full potential calls you to understand how this separate me-sense is formed; in doing so, you can gain objectivity on (and stand back from) the relationship with “me”. This is the triumphant emergence of true individuality.
evolutionary pointer: Awakening enfolds me, myself, and I into the One.
We are all familiar with the following exclamation:“I don’t like myself when I am this way.” Let’s look closely at this statement. Firstly notice there are two “I’s.” There is an “I” that sees how the second “I” is feeling or acting. The first “I” has objectivity on the second “I”. The next time you hear this, ask yourself, which one am I? Are you the “I” who sees with clarity the second “I,” or are you the “I” who is feeling, responding or acting?
If you are the “I” who is acting, then who are you when those events or situations pass? You are surely more than a litany of ever-changing reactions to life. If you are the “I” that has objectivity, then when those emotions or behaviors pass, are you still not the same unchanged observer who was witnessing these emotions and behaviors all along?
A statement such as: “I am not myself today,” surely gives cause us to wonder, how do the “I” and the “myself” differ? And if indeed they are different, who is telling the difference? Also, If “I” am not “myself” then who am “I” until “I” am “myself” again?
Other ways in which you sustain the relationship with “me” is with questions such as: “What’s in this for me?” “How can I maximize my position?” or “How is this going to affect me?” Though they seem innocuous, these questions are the little-self alienating you from trust by stimulating the internal dialogue between you and “yourself”. Such questions support the illusion of a separate sense of self.
Supporting the relationship with “me” requires that you be “in touch with yourself.” While a certain level of self-concern is normal, frequently a significant portion of your attention is diverted into monitoring your thoughts and feelings about yourself. This inward concern reflects conditioning nursing itself. Sometimes, all your attention can be redirected inward, triggering the response from another person, “Is there something wrong?” When you are consumed by relentless ego-sponsored introspection, life direction disabilities can result. Can you see why? It is not that good intentions are absent, or that you are unable to focus or make up your mind, it is that all of your energy and awareness is being consumed in support of the relationship with “me”.
the formation of the separate me-sense: When young children cover their eyes and play “hide and seek,” they think you can’t see them. Because young children are unable to think about themselves, their view of the world is the only worldview.
evolutionary pointer: Up to the age of four, there is still no true sense of a separate self at the level of the child’s thoughts. When they look in a mirror they still see another baby, not “themselves” (remember the dog barking at itself).
Starting around the age of four, natural cognitive development moves children from an unconscious present to the point where they can grasp the idea of the past and the future. It is now that the notion of a separate sense of self (in thought) begins to appear. This is why (prior to this) young children are very much at home in the present. Without an image of “me” in a past or a future, living in the moment comes quite naturally. Since a child does not yet have a concept of the future with a “me” in that future, there is nothing to worry about; without a concept of the past and a “me” in that past, there is nothing to regret.
Then at age 4-5-6 a child locates an image of “me” in his concept of the past and projects the image of “me” into his concept of the future*. A child learns to imagine, anticipate and worry. He thinks there are “monsters in the wardrobe” (which is later discovered to be untrue—a great metaphor for awakening to fear of “change”!)
the highest part of you goes astray: As a child begins to grow into his family and social environment, conditioning solidifies this newly formed separate sense of self. The highest part of each one of us - consciousness - gets lost in a concept of “me” that now appears simultaneously in the past, present, and future.
To make matters worse, parents and culture convince you that “your” fears and desires for the future are exclusive and primary. You make them personal. You are also led to believe that the feelings you have about yourself and events from your past are unique. The point here is certainly not to deny the fullest possible emotional experience, but to open us up to the question of our sometimes-exclusive identity with those feelings. As you mature, this self-image begins to drive your thoughts about “my” past, “my” future, “my” fears, “my” desires, and so on. Conditioning thus crafts your unique “individuality.”
evolutionary pointer: Even with the wonderful diversity in this world, your sense of uniqueness can often be nothing more than “my way” of expressing the ego: your personal articulation of impersonal conditioning; my individual face of the global ego.
As you continue in your development, you (unconsciously) craft relationships to sustain this internal image or me-sense. Depending on the forcefulness of conditioning, “your life” can become an endless effort to maintain, protect, and project this self-image. In high school, for example, if you think you are slick and hip, then that is the crew you will run with; if you think the whole world is against you, you may have friends who think the same way. You learn to manipulate the world around you to match the image you have of your “self”. People who have ambitions to be materially successful will surround themselves—consciously and unconsciously—with those who can affirm and support such internal images. Those who see themselves as “giving” or “caring” often have many friends who are “needy” and “victimized” and vice versa. If your family revered suicide bombers you might take your last bus ride at sixteen. The problem is that most people never grow out of this illusion.Many people unknowingly craft and sustain relevant relationships in this way their entire lives, all based on the idea of “me”, that appeared (as a concept) when they were four! Awakening clearly reveals how most of humanity is lost in these semi-conscious and unconscious roles of the lesser-self. The end of emotional and psychological suffering compels us to identify where we are wholly or partially identified with conditioning, and by accepting ownership of those corresponding emotions, both negative and positive, we can free of them, onceand for all.
evolutionary pointer: Your relevant relationships are an outer representation of the point of focus within. Conflict without is a mirror of conflict within.
*For more see the work of Dr. Margaret Mahler
the relationship with me:
Because there is no separate me-sense in an animal,a dog will regularly bark at his own reflection in a mirror. He does this because hedoes not see “himself,” he sees another dog.
Imagine looking in a mirror and asking, "Who's that?" At the psychotherapeutic level, the idea of accepting and loving yourself is considered to be beneficial. If awakening is your objective, you must learn to relinquish the need to support and nurture the relationship with me. The notion of a separate self—an individual me-sense —is erroneous; yet, this is a natural development that occurs in everyone between the ages of four and seven years of age. To be gentle with oneself, however, does not necessarily imply the validity of this duality.Since the relationship with “me” is where you consciously and unconsciously communicate with conditioned limitations, discovering and expressing your full potential calls you to understand how this separate me-sense is formed; in doing so, you can gain objectivity on (and stand back from) the relationship with “me”. This is the triumphant emergence of true individuality.
evolutionary pointer: Awakening enfolds me, myself, and I into the One.
We are all familiar with the following exclamation:“I don’t like myself when I am this way.” Let’s look closely at this statement. Firstly notice there are two “I’s.” There is an “I” that sees how the second “I” is feeling or acting. The first “I” has objectivity on the second “I”. The next time you hear this, ask yourself, which one am I? Are you the “I” who sees with clarity the second “I,” or are you the “I” who is feeling, responding or acting?
If you are the “I” who is acting, then who are you when those events or situations pass? You are surely more than a litany of ever-changing reactions to life. If you are the “I” that has objectivity, then when those emotions or behaviors pass, are you still not the same unchanged observer who was witnessing these emotions and behaviors all along?
A statement such as: “I am not myself today,” surely gives cause us to wonder, how do the “I” and the “myself” differ? And if indeed they are different, who is telling the difference? Also, If “I” am not “myself” then who am “I” until “I” am “myself” again?
Other ways in which you sustain the relationship with “me” is with questions such as: “What’s in this for me?” “How can I maximize my position?” or “How is this going to affect me?” Though they seem innocuous, these questions are the little-self alienating you from trust by stimulating the internal dialogue between you and “yourself”. Such questions support the illusion of a separate sense of self.
Supporting the relationship with “me” requires that you be “in touch with yourself.” While a certain level of self-concern is normal, frequently a significant portion of your attention is diverted into monitoring your thoughts and feelings about yourself. This inward concern reflects conditioning nursing itself. Sometimes, all your attention can be redirected inward, triggering the response from another person, “Is there something wrong?” When you are consumed by relentless ego-sponsored introspection, life direction disabilities can result. Can you see why? It is not that good intentions are absent, or that you are unable to focus or make up your mind, it is that all of your energy and awareness is being consumed in support of the relationship with “me”.
the formation of the separate me-sense: When young children cover their eyes and play “hide and seek,” they think you can’t see them. Because young children are unable to think about themselves, their view of the world is the only worldview.
evolutionary pointer: Up to the age of four, there is still no true sense of a separate self at the level of the child’s thoughts. When they look in a mirror they still see another baby, not “themselves” (remember the dog barking at itself).
Starting around the age of four, natural cognitive development moves children from an unconscious present to the point where they can grasp the idea of the past and the future. It is now that the notion of a separate sense of self (in thought) begins to appear. This is why (prior to this) young children are very much at home in the present. Without an image of “me” in a past or a future, living in the moment comes quite naturally. Since a child does not yet have a concept of the future with a “me” in that future, there is nothing to worry about; without a concept of the past and a “me” in that past, there is nothing to regret.
Then at age 4-5-6 a child locates an image of “me” in his concept of the past and projects the image of “me” into his concept of the future*. A child learns to imagine, anticipate and worry. He thinks there are “monsters in the wardrobe” (which is later discovered to be untrue—a great metaphor for awakening to fear of “change”!)
the highest part of you goes astray: As a child begins to grow into his family and social environment, conditioning solidifies this newly formed separate sense of self. The highest part of each one of us - consciousness - gets lost in a concept of “me” that now appears simultaneously in the past, present, and future.
To make matters worse, parents and culture convince you that “your” fears and desires for the future are exclusive and primary. You make them personal. You are also led to believe that the feelings you have about yourself and events from your past are unique. The point here is certainly not to deny the fullest possible emotional experience, but to open us up to the question of our sometimes-exclusive identity with those feelings. As you mature, this self-image begins to drive your thoughts about “my” past, “my” future, “my” fears, “my” desires, and so on. Conditioning thus crafts your unique “individuality.”
evolutionary pointer: Even with the wonderful diversity in this world, your sense of uniqueness can often be nothing more than “my way” of expressing the ego: your personal articulation of impersonal conditioning; my individual face of the global ego.
As you continue in your development, you (unconsciously) craft relationships to sustain this internal image or me-sense. Depending on the forcefulness of conditioning, “your life” can become an endless effort to maintain, protect, and project this self-image. In high school, for example, if you think you are slick and hip, then that is the crew you will run with; if you think the whole world is against you, you may have friends who think the same way. You learn to manipulate the world around you to match the image you have of your “self”. People who have ambitions to be materially successful will surround themselves—consciously and unconsciously—with those who can affirm and support such internal images. Those who see themselves as “giving” or “caring” often have many friends who are “needy” and “victimized” and vice versa. If your family revered suicide bombers you might take your last bus ride at sixteen. The problem is that most people never grow out of this illusion.Many people unknowingly craft and sustain relevant relationships in this way their entire lives, all based on the idea of “me”, that appeared (as a concept) when they were four! Awakening clearly reveals how most of humanity is lost in these semi-conscious and unconscious roles of the lesser-self. The end of emotional and psychological suffering compels us to identify where we are wholly or partially identified with conditioning, and by accepting ownership of those corresponding emotions, both negative and positive, we can free of them, onceand for all.
evolutionary pointer: Your relevant relationships are an outer representation of the point of focus within. Conflict without is a mirror of conflict within.
*For more see the work of Dr. Margaret Mahler
posted by Borrowed Wisdom at 12:13 PM
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