what ya do withya emotions ? (beingthere.net)
1. Why Learn Emotional Skills?
by
Stephen BE
Your emotions are absolutely, 100 percent of the time, spontaneous. You are never in control of what you feel in the moment, and you never have been, no matter how many "positive thinking" seminars you have been to.
(The foundation for such a bold statement can be found in the book, Feeling Your Way Along. There, you will learn how emotions are trained into you, where they reside, how they get triggered and why they are so important to living effectively.)
You are in control of what you do with your emotions. This is your behavior. But by the time you are considering your choices in behavior, you have already felt your emotions.
You can also control your awareness of your emotions. With consistent choices to not be aware of your emotions, you probably won't be. Your unawareness will not change the emotion, however. It only makes it less possible for you to use your emotion effectively.
Using your emotions effectively, or not, is the only choice you have about your emotion. You cannot choose what you feel. You cannot control your emotions. You cannot decide to feel certain emotions, and not feel others. You can decide to be aware of your emotions. And you can decide how to behave in respect to every emotion.
Your behavior always has consequences. These consequences of your behavior are what you experience next in your world. In a very real sense, you create the world you experience through the choices you make in your behavior. Learning to choose your behavior consciously is the mark of using your emotions effectively. The distinction between emotion and behavior is the first emotional skill that everyone must learn.
You must learn to use your emotions effectively in order to create the world you truly want. This requires that you claim full responsibility for your emotions. Claiming your emotions allows you to make all of your emotions acceptable, even those that you do not like or do not want to feel.
As you learn to make your emotions work for you, you are learning to claim responsibility for those emotions. Self-responsibility is a skill that must be learned and practiced over a lifetime. It is not a measure of one's character, where you either have it or you do not. Self-responsibility is the central lesson to your emotional growth.
You are not born with inherent knowledge of how to use your emotions effectively. Emotional skills must be learned and practiced. As you gain confidence in your emotional skills, you will open up new levels of experience found at higher levels of consciousness. Some of these experiences are desired, and are the reward for your growth. Others are encountered as a deeper level of previous lessons.
Levels of Emotional Health
Below are some of the levels of emotional health, along with the skills and abilities at each level, the costs involved, and the length of time generally needed to achieve them. Of course these are only sketches, not complete descriptions.
The examples of cost are based on a counseling rate of $120/hour. Hourly rates vary greatly from country to country and city to city. In the United States, the hourly rate can be up to $250-$350/hour or more in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago or Miami. Rates in rural areas can be as low as $25-$35/hour. Rates are established in the local market according to the professional credentials of the counselor and their specific areas of expertise.
Emotional Level 1:
This person challenges anyone who asks them to look at himself/herself. They frantically shore up their defenses. They ignore necessary change as long as they can live without doing so. They are able to claim less than 10% of their self-responsibility. They deny the existence of denial. They show reactionary resistance. In relationships, they are limited to the attraction stage. They often are volatile, angry, possessive and controlling. They rarely seek more than 1-5 sessions of counseling, usually at the insistence of a significant other or the mandate of a court. Their cost for this limited counseling is from $120 to $600, about what it would cost to buy a set of skis, an average car repair, an average car payment, or a weekend trip for one.
Emotional Level 2:
This person is often too scared to even begin to look at himself or herself. They fear most being blamed. They resist change. They may dabble in periodic therapy. But they never get far enough to begin to see the picture of their issues. They have no awareness of their denial, and they are passively resistant. They may claim between 20-25% of their self-responsibility. Their relationships are often co-dependent and limited at the romance stage. If not in a committed relationship, they fall deeply in love several times a year. They may attend 5-10 counseling sessions, costing $600-$1200. This is equivalent to 1 average house payment, a weekend trip for two, or a major home appliance.
Emotional Level 3:
This is the level most com
monly seen as beginners in counseling. This person does not understand (often they do not want to understand) what they are responsible for. Consequently they can claim only 30-40% of their self-responsibility. They are ambivalent about necessary changes. Their story is full of complaints and problems, for which they want solutions. Pain reduction is their primary motivation. They have little understanding of issues. They blame much of their experience on others. They justify their denial. Their relationships are often stuck in the power struggle stage. Committed relationships lead to much blaming and unhappiness. People who stop therapy in this stage often have attended 10-20 sessions. This would cost them $1200-$2400, equivalent to a new bathtub or a one week trip for two.
Emotional Level 4:
By this level of emotional health a person is able to understand the areas for which they are responsible, but they have not yet accepted or claimed all of their responsibility; perhaps 50%-60%. They still struggle with allowing change to occur. They can understand the concept of their issues, but they still avoid them when possible. They are attracted to the benefits of Higher Consciousness, but they are ambivalent about the actual work. They rationalize their avoidance, and they realize denial is an unreliable skill. They still blame others occasionally. They are working on relationships of intimacy. They are able to do some issues work, but frequently get stuck. It usually takes 30-50 sessions to get here, costing between $3600 and $6000, equivalent to the average legal fees for a simple divorce or a small home remodel job.
Emotional Level 5:
By the time someone reaches this level they realize that all their work to this point has been to teach them how to deal internally with everything they feel emotionally. They accept their issues, and they are learning to even embrace their issues. They purposely seek out their issues and know how to use them to update and claim their Personal Truth. Denial is an unacceptable skill to them, except when survival is truly threatened. They are actively looking for areas and limits of self-responsibility. This reflects a self-responsibility level of 75%-80%. They flow easily with change. Their relationships are ones of unity. They are starting to realize their connection to all people and all things. This level requires an average of 60-150 sessions, which would cost $7200 to $18,000, equating to the average cost of 1-2 years of college, an average automobile, or a down payment on an average pick-up truck.
Emotional Levels 6 & 7:
These levels require a full commitment toward continuous growth, and exceed the scope of this presentation. For more information about emotions, emotional skills, and how they affect your level of consciousness, you can read the book, Feeling Your Way Along.
by
Stephen BE
Your emotions are absolutely, 100 percent of the time, spontaneous. You are never in control of what you feel in the moment, and you never have been, no matter how many "positive thinking" seminars you have been to.
(The foundation for such a bold statement can be found in the book, Feeling Your Way Along. There, you will learn how emotions are trained into you, where they reside, how they get triggered and why they are so important to living effectively.)
You are in control of what you do with your emotions. This is your behavior. But by the time you are considering your choices in behavior, you have already felt your emotions.
You can also control your awareness of your emotions. With consistent choices to not be aware of your emotions, you probably won't be. Your unawareness will not change the emotion, however. It only makes it less possible for you to use your emotion effectively.
Using your emotions effectively, or not, is the only choice you have about your emotion. You cannot choose what you feel. You cannot control your emotions. You cannot decide to feel certain emotions, and not feel others. You can decide to be aware of your emotions. And you can decide how to behave in respect to every emotion.
Your behavior always has consequences. These consequences of your behavior are what you experience next in your world. In a very real sense, you create the world you experience through the choices you make in your behavior. Learning to choose your behavior consciously is the mark of using your emotions effectively. The distinction between emotion and behavior is the first emotional skill that everyone must learn.
You must learn to use your emotions effectively in order to create the world you truly want. This requires that you claim full responsibility for your emotions. Claiming your emotions allows you to make all of your emotions acceptable, even those that you do not like or do not want to feel.
As you learn to make your emotions work for you, you are learning to claim responsibility for those emotions. Self-responsibility is a skill that must be learned and practiced over a lifetime. It is not a measure of one's character, where you either have it or you do not. Self-responsibility is the central lesson to your emotional growth.
You are not born with inherent knowledge of how to use your emotions effectively. Emotional skills must be learned and practiced. As you gain confidence in your emotional skills, you will open up new levels of experience found at higher levels of consciousness. Some of these experiences are desired, and are the reward for your growth. Others are encountered as a deeper level of previous lessons.
Levels of Emotional Health
Below are some of the levels of emotional health, along with the skills and abilities at each level, the costs involved, and the length of time generally needed to achieve them. Of course these are only sketches, not complete descriptions.
The examples of cost are based on a counseling rate of $120/hour. Hourly rates vary greatly from country to country and city to city. In the United States, the hourly rate can be up to $250-$350/hour or more in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago or Miami. Rates in rural areas can be as low as $25-$35/hour. Rates are established in the local market according to the professional credentials of the counselor and their specific areas of expertise.
Emotional Level 1:
This person challenges anyone who asks them to look at himself/herself. They frantically shore up their defenses. They ignore necessary change as long as they can live without doing so. They are able to claim less than 10% of their self-responsibility. They deny the existence of denial. They show reactionary resistance. In relationships, they are limited to the attraction stage. They often are volatile, angry, possessive and controlling. They rarely seek more than 1-5 sessions of counseling, usually at the insistence of a significant other or the mandate of a court. Their cost for this limited counseling is from $120 to $600, about what it would cost to buy a set of skis, an average car repair, an average car payment, or a weekend trip for one.
Emotional Level 2:
This person is often too scared to even begin to look at himself or herself. They fear most being blamed. They resist change. They may dabble in periodic therapy. But they never get far enough to begin to see the picture of their issues. They have no awareness of their denial, and they are passively resistant. They may claim between 20-25% of their self-responsibility. Their relationships are often co-dependent and limited at the romance stage. If not in a committed relationship, they fall deeply in love several times a year. They may attend 5-10 counseling sessions, costing $600-$1200. This is equivalent to 1 average house payment, a weekend trip for two, or a major home appliance.
Emotional Level 3:
This is the level most com
monly seen as beginners in counseling. This person does not understand (often they do not want to understand) what they are responsible for. Consequently they can claim only 30-40% of their self-responsibility. They are ambivalent about necessary changes. Their story is full of complaints and problems, for which they want solutions. Pain reduction is their primary motivation. They have little understanding of issues. They blame much of their experience on others. They justify their denial. Their relationships are often stuck in the power struggle stage. Committed relationships lead to much blaming and unhappiness. People who stop therapy in this stage often have attended 10-20 sessions. This would cost them $1200-$2400, equivalent to a new bathtub or a one week trip for two.
Emotional Level 4:
By this level of emotional health a person is able to understand the areas for which they are responsible, but they have not yet accepted or claimed all of their responsibility; perhaps 50%-60%. They still struggle with allowing change to occur. They can understand the concept of their issues, but they still avoid them when possible. They are attracted to the benefits of Higher Consciousness, but they are ambivalent about the actual work. They rationalize their avoidance, and they realize denial is an unreliable skill. They still blame others occasionally. They are working on relationships of intimacy. They are able to do some issues work, but frequently get stuck. It usually takes 30-50 sessions to get here, costing between $3600 and $6000, equivalent to the average legal fees for a simple divorce or a small home remodel job.
Emotional Level 5:
By the time someone reaches this level they realize that all their work to this point has been to teach them how to deal internally with everything they feel emotionally. They accept their issues, and they are learning to even embrace their issues. They purposely seek out their issues and know how to use them to update and claim their Personal Truth. Denial is an unacceptable skill to them, except when survival is truly threatened. They are actively looking for areas and limits of self-responsibility. This reflects a self-responsibility level of 75%-80%. They flow easily with change. Their relationships are ones of unity. They are starting to realize their connection to all people and all things. This level requires an average of 60-150 sessions, which would cost $7200 to $18,000, equating to the average cost of 1-2 years of college, an average automobile, or a down payment on an average pick-up truck.
Emotional Levels 6 & 7:
These levels require a full commitment toward continuous growth, and exceed the scope of this presentation. For more information about emotions, emotional skills, and how they affect your level of consciousness, you can read the book, Feeling Your Way Along.
posted by Borrowed Wisdom at 4:38 AM
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